#Boyfriendable : Why are you Single?

"Why are you single?"

I get this question a lot. Whether I am on a date or in a casual setting If I happen to so much as mention that I don't have a significant other people will look at me like I have a tree growing out the side of my neck.

"How do you not have a boyfriend?!" is usually the next question, followed by, "You seem like a real catch!"

Honestly, up until now (which I'll detail later in this writing), I had no earthly clue as to why I am perpetually single. As a matter of fact I never gave much thought to it in the first place.

I personally find the question rude and extremely obnoxious. The only reason people ask it in the first place is because they've already, in their mind, deemed you viable enough to bed down (i.e. attractive, smart, funny, and whatever other traits may grab their attention). This question is completely precautionary insofar as they want to make sure you're not criminally insane enough to castrate them should they wind up using you and throwing you away like a bucket of month old rancid chitlins.

Just the thought of being vetted like this is offensive, so much so that I'm thinking about walking out on dates and leaving them with the check if It is ever posed to me again. Apparently, if you haven't been with someone in a certain amount of time (I'm thinking the maximum is six months, given how these girls hop from one "true love" to another) that automatically renders you "defective" because CLEARLY nobody wants you for a reason (the culture of self blame is huge in the gay community). It's kinda the way I used to vet candidates for jobs when I was a Recruiter, which is exactly why I left the Recruitment industry.

Past behavior is not always indicative of a person's current state of mind. Honestly, I would be more afraid of someone who has a string of broken hearts on their resume rather than the guy who had a break up years ago and, just this instant, finally feels comfortable enough to step back into the dating pool.

I get that.

Unfortunately, I used to buy into the former school of thought (much too much to my detriment), which left me wondering, speculating, pontificating, and spending copious amounts of time with therapists, trying to figure out why I wasn't involved in a relationship ages ago?

"Maybe I'm too picky?" (It got to the point where I thought requiring a guy to have a job was too high of a standard. "Okay, maybe I can upgrade this nigga and get him hired at McDonalds?" Chile, I am glad I eschewed that mentality expeditiously)

"Maybe men are intimidated by me?" (I am the type of person who walks chin up and eyes open to the world. I don't have that world weary type face. I'm kinda innocent but not really naive. So maybe that intimidates people, perhaps)

"Maybe I look like I couldn't careless?"

Maybe, maybe, and maybe...

Again, due to the heightened levels of insecurity I'd amassed around that time, I stayed up nights wondering how and why someone as good as me was perpetually single. Hell, I haven't been in a long term monogamous relationship in the past five years, so there had to be something to it right?

• I think I'm really fly (I've been told that I have a: great smile, nice skin, big pretty brown eyes, nice legs, and dress really snappy. And a lot of guys say I have a nice @$$ too, but that's a pretty common trait in the black community).
• I have a great personality (sweet but kinda tart as well, like a bag of sour patch kids. Introverted yet extroverted simultaneously. And I love animals).
• I'm employed (In a good position with upward mobility potential and benefits).
• I have my own place (I've been on my own for the past five years).
• I even have my own car (Well, you need a car around these parts. The closest corner store is usually two miles away. But still I have a car). 

Overall, I'm a good catch. You would think I would have been boo'ed up ages ago; however, for some reason things haven't played that way for me, at least not yet.

Granted, almost six years ago I was in an romantic relationship. It ended after two years but, yeah, I was in a deep relationship for all intents and purposes. I won't go into any specific details about it except to say that it was my first really big LOVE thing. Seriously, I was butt crazy in L-O-V-E with that dude. Prior to meeting him I had dibbled and dabbled with other gentlemen callers (I wasn't a virgin by any means) but I was still new to the whole idea of being so connected to another person in that manner.

Then one day, almost eight years ago, I get an instant message from some guy that liked my blog and commentary and it all started from there. My love for him took me completely unawares because he wasn't exactly the type of guy that I saw myself winding up with. But one day I woke up with him on my mind and I knew I was all in.  Again, I won't dole out the full details on that part of my life (as it was well chronicled and documented on my old, now defunct, blog); however, If you have known me for any length of time you will probably remember that instance as well.

That said it began as a long distance relationship that ultimately wound up with us finally getting together in person and consummating everything. However, shortly afterwards (a few weeks to be exact), everything came falling apart like a tornado beaten sand castle. And there I was again, alone, sifting through the emotional wreckage. While I couldn't admit to it then (too much pride and way too much shame) I was absolutely devastated when things turned out the way that they did.

This person whom I loved and trusted more than anyone else in the world was suddenly no longer a presence in my life.

The daily hours long phone calls ended (that I used to rush home from work for).
The long conversations that so exhilarated me were now replaced by the silence that I had weaned myself off of.
The person that, at that time, you couldn't have told me that we wouldn't be together when we were old and gray was suddenly a phantom.
We unfriended on Facebook and began a series of petty snipe attacks on one another (so vicious were they you wouldn't have thought that, at onetime, we loved each other) before long I just blocked his account (because it was easier to pretend as though he never happened in the first place as opposed to seeing our drama play out on a social media stage).
When I did that I had to fully embrace the inevitable heartbreak and ache.

And believe me it hurt. 

It hurt really bad. 

And, having been in love for the first time (I was really young a few years ago. When I met him I was about 20), and subsequently losing that love, it was beyond devastating. 

The inside of me felt: dull, dead, and so void. It felt like all of my joy had been stolen by one of those Dementors from Harry Potter. Some days I did not want to get out of bed. Some days I forced myself to do things that I did not want to do just to keep myself from moping and crying. Meanwhile, I would stay pretending to everyone that everything was okay when in actuality I was mired down in: sadness, anger, bitterness, and just perpetual emotional tumult. I wasn't even being honest to my therapist at the time. I never had a frame of reference for mending a broken heart and it was tough.

I had invested so heavily in that relationship (when, retrospectively, I should have thrown in the towel long before we even got together and made it official) that not only was I sad but I also felt physically wiped out. Again, one moment I was soaring like an eagle and the next I crashed with a broken wing that felt like it would never mend again.

In that moment, when I resolved into the ANGER stage of the dissolution of that relationship, I swore off love and relationships altogether. I wanted NOTHING to do with anyone else ever again. I never wanted the possibility of feeling that level of pain again.
I even started writing ridiculous shit about how I was going to run away to Tibet and become a Monk (although I would have preferred to be a Nun so I could wear the cute Habits). I made the choice to just wall myself off to the possibility of love altogether. If nobody got in my heart would be safe, forever.

At that time I threw myself back into the doldrums of what was my life during that period (dealing with my homophobic family, my mother who I still don't what the fuck is wrong with, and work). After that relationship ended I was snatched out of my idyllic fantasy and reacquired by the real world.  It sucked and on top of that I was still coping with healing a wounded heart.

Anyway...

Slowly but surely my life began to come together in a more positive way and eventually I started letting go of the relationship and love that I had given up (it was me that ended it. I didn't want to. I just knew that I had to). However, I never properly mourned the end because, again, I was too pride filled to even admit that I loved this person with my entire heart. To actually say it, even to myself, would have indicated weakness. To say that I missed him so much that I could hardly stand it would have sent me spiraling into blame, shame, and self doubt. I just couldn't deal honestly with my feelings, y'know?

However...

The day eventually came, some years later, and I was able to say, "You know what? I did love and care about him. I did really miss him. And it really sucked that it ended the way that it ended!"

The ending was so abrupt.

And there was absolutely zero closure (I haven't talked to this person since the breakup, almost six years ago. The only person who reached out to me was his ex-girlfriend who confided that he put her through the exact same thing).

That was hard to get over.

But I came to grips and really let go.

Still, admittedly, I have had my defenses up. Granted, in the subsequent years, I've had dalliances with quite a few gentlemen callers (I'm not a ho or anything but I am grown! I can do what and who I wanna do!). The guys I dealt with I never saw them as "relationship material" (as they were emotionally unavailable) but I liked what each of them offered me at the time.  Hindsight, I picked them all because--at that time--It was all that I needed and wanted. I just needed the connections and the affirmation that great sex and friendship can provide. Basically, I've had a series of fuck buddies who were really cool, just not suitable for me in the long run.

Moreover, unbeknownst to myself, I've been quietly cultivating this wonderful relationship with MYSELF. Since leaving home and being a bachelor I've learned to really enjoy my own company. I've taken time with myself that I had, up until a few years ago, never been able to do because my time had always been in service to someone else. It wasn't until I relinquished the throes of familial responsibility and romantic love that I was able to just be me, Prince Todd.
My life, as of current, has been this wonderful delayed adolescence (as I spent most of my teens being a parent to an adult). I've been very experimental whilst indulging my curiosities, particularly when it comes to my sexuality and sexual expression. More importantly I've been indulging myself in all of the things that I love sans any apology to anyone. I've learned that it is my life and if it harm none then I will continue doing whatever I will.  I've learned to, in the past few years, to really and truly love who I am in totality.

So, I guess the answer to the question of, "Why am I still single?" is...

I haven't met anyone wonderful enough that would make me want to change how things are right now.

Seriously, I am really comfortable and happy with my life that if someone cannot come along and contribute to that happiness why would I want to jeopardize that?

I say this because...

I see so many of my gay brethren pining away for romantic love and the idea of "The One" (something that I stopped believing in after high school. That soul mate who will "complete" you and your sentences. Yeah that shit) that it is maddening.
I guess with the greater acceptance and normalization of homosexuality in our larger culture we've fallen into the same hetero-normative trappings of our straight counterparts. We've created this falsified narrative that to be in a relationship should be the goal and not simply some blissful place that you wind up in by happy accident. And if you aren't then your life is an abysmal failure...

"Not I!" said THIS cat...

Yes, I would like to feel that love thing again, totally. I'd love to be someone's one and only; however, I am of the mind that there is a possibility that it may not happen for me. There is the possibility that I could be a single old queen when I turn 70.
You know what?

That is okay.
Because it doesn't make my life any less meaningful or important than someone who is in a relationship or marriage. No matter what I know that I will always be loved and cherished because I have myself.  Again, yes, again, I would like the former but if it doesn't happen that certainly will never ever be deemed a low point in my life.
I'm going to keep on: traveling, making friends, writing, and doing things that I love to do for as long as I shall live, whether I am partnered or not.
And in the meantime I will keep having affairs with other men until the right man that I want to be monogamous with comes along.

Ultimately, I just realized that I love the drama free nature of my life and if that is all you can contribute then I would rather be alone. But if you come along and make me smile so much that keeping you around is a must then I welcome that!

Yeah, I am looking. I am dating.  I am ready for love. But not at the price of losing myself, I won't do that again. My heart is my most precious commodity and it is mine to bequeath to whom I choose. Therefore, I need a dude in my life who handles this heart like the priceless jewel that it is.

I am not afraid of love anymore but I know that love lost can leave you broken. So I would prefer taking a chance on someone who is worth that risk.

In the past I had a habit of choosing men that were emotionally unavailable because I was in that same space. Now, for a relationship, I need the antithesis. I want someone who is as ready as I am to fall in love.

But...

Either way I am going to be fine. My life is a delicious piece of cake and love will be the glittery sprinkles on top. I can wait for those, and if not the cake if still going to be delicious.

To that end Valentine's Day is coming up and honestly, right now, it is just another day for me. I no longer dread it because I am not heaping these expectations upon myself to be in a relationship.

With Love...

Sincerely,

Prince Todd.

The David Bowie Conundrum: Social Media Militants and why none of you ain't Shit.

This morning I found my friends list approximately 170 pounds lighter. One of my friends, that I've spoken to (off and on), for the past two years unfriended me. 

Why? 

Well, I happen to like the music of David Bowie. 

As you may have heard, just a few days ago, David Bowie died. I was taken aback being that I've always been a casual fan of Bowie's. So, whenever I like something, I tend to take the time and share it on MY TIMELINE with my friends. It was a show of love and support for the fallen rock star (who is not legendary).

Well, this insipid cow felt it prudent (not even 24 hours after Bowie's death) to inform me that, back in the 1970's, David Bowie had sex with a 16-year-old groupie (at the time David Bowie was 20. At the time rock and roll groupies were as common as electric guitars onstage) and was basically, her words, "A rapist child molester who does not deserve to be lionized" by me or anyone else for that matter.

::Insert confused Scooby Doo face here::

First of all I had no clue that David Bowie slept with a teenager (As I stated before I am a casual fan. I don't follow him enough to know his sexual inclinations back in the 1970's), one (for all of my life he's been with Iman).

Two, unlike Bill Cosby supporters, I know how to differentiate between the artist and his product (MAJOR distinction. No, I am no fan of statutory rape; however, Bowie's art--which I find completely brilliant and hold in high regard--was made for the masses to enjoy).

Three, where in the hell were all of you when Bowie had a thriving career (for the past 30 years)? How is it now that he's dead he's gone from avant garde glam rock star to pedophile child rapist/predator who locks little girls in dungeons in the span of 24 fucking hours? Seriously, where in the hell do you people come from? He's dead and now, suddenly, he's this monster that NO ONE should be able to identify with simply because YOU said so?

The shit wasn't making any sense to me whatsoever...

All I said was, "No, I was completely unaware that David Bowie had sex with an underage girl. However, while I don't approve of that I still enjoy and celebrate his music." 

It is that simple. 

No cognitive dissonance required.
If I based my enjoyment of an artist's work based on their personal lives then I would need to stop listening to music, period.
Yes, I despise R. Kelly and his kiddie diddling ways but if I hear "Honey Love" on the radio I am not going to turn the channel, trust. Roman Polanski did some terrible shit but "The Pianist" is still one of my favorite films. I still watch "Mighty Aphrodite" despite the fact that Woody Allen married his adopted daughter.
It is quite easy to divorce the genius from the madness.
The art is ours.
The pathology belongs to them.

That said...

I woke up to find that we were no longer friends. To that end I texted her a "nice" little note (It said, "Fuck you too. Bye." I am petty as fuck) and let that be a wrap.

But this isn't even about mine and her's "friendship." 

This will be about the type of person that she is, the type of person that I am sick and tired of coming across in the realm of Social Media (that I almost always invariably do).

Who is it you ask?

I am tired of these fraudulent ass Social Media Militants that play this ridiculous pseudo philosophical role of online social justice warrior in their WONDERFUL (yet horrifying) world of: intersectionality, oppression, identity politics, tone policing, and all of those other obnoxious social media militant buzz phrases that are supposed to emphasize the dire straits of the oppressed and tell the so called "privileged" to "check themselves." Basically, ANYONE can fit into this designation, anybody. You can have the tip of your index finger severed and be considered a disenfranchised minority that comes complete with your own buzz words and specific concerns. I despise people like this, completely. And it is always my luck that they befriend me thinking that I am one of them.

Granted, I am all about calling out discrimination and inequality. I occupy my own intersectional space as well (Black, Gay, Atheist, and Geeky, hello?). And I am more than capable of letting people know that, "Hey, what you said is completely inappropriate and offensive to me as a _____" if they are in the wrong.
Racism, sexism, ableism, ageism, and various other isms are an unfortunate part of our reality. We are constantly in a fight against them, which is why I teach people how they need to treat me (if they want ANYTHING to do with the subject of me).
The people who are willing to embrace that and learn from the experience are those whom I like to stick around. 

The other people? 

Well, they can go about their merry way. I also realize that not everyone is a horrible person, some of them simply don't know any better. Change is a daunting task but if the individual is making the effort, and I was the unwitting catalyst for that, then I am flattered.

I lead my life this way AND in the realm of social media. Who I am online is who you will meet offline, period. I don't just talk about it. I AM about it.

These other niggas?
These online social justice warriors who probably won't utter a peep about half the shit they talk on these outlets are a whole other story entirely...

For the Social Media Militant there is no redemption for ANYBODY!

Do not pass go.

Do not collect two hundred dollars.

In their eyes you are the enemy if you even make a typographical error that looks like an affront to them. Everything is a trigger phrase. Everything is a personal slight. Everything is a fucking think piece waiting to be born.

"Cotton Candy offends me as a militant homosexual Nerf Herder" by Militant Homosexual Nerf Herder, The Huffpo)

If you are not one of them (Basically, if you don't fit into the exact same intersectional identity and possess a dire worldview) then you are their enemy, period. Even a slight difference of opinion is taken as an affront to their person-hood. Everything hinges on you being sensitive to every single aspect of their person hood or else you risk being "drug" by them and their acolytes (the hangers on who act as the chorus to their madness).

"By celebrating David Bowie's art you are enforcing rape culture!" (No I'm not. I like his music. I don't support a rape culture by doing that. Statutory rape, bad. Moonage Daydream, one of the greatest songs ever written).

"You are Triggering me!" (If you can have a nervous breakdown from posts online then social media is not the place for you. That's a whole other therapy session)

"If you don't agree with me then I have no use for you!" (I bet you won't say that to anyone else outside of your online collection of bodies...excuse me, "Friends")

And so on and so forth...

I always fall out with these niggas, always. I finally know why now. I know that the world is nuanced. I know that there is no such thing as all or nothing. There are shades of gray and not everything is either or. That is not real life. And I pride myself on being a realist.
When I hear people speaking in absolutes all I see is them swimming in their cramped little fishbowl that they concocted for themselves within the realm of social media. 

Yes, I am quite aware that we need these spaces where we can simply go and be ourselves (I support forums that cater to niche groups. Everyone needs somewhere to belong. We are not as original as we like to pretend to be). However, when it is to the point where you cannot see beyond those parameters then what good are you to ANYONE (well except sitting alone to nurse your narcissism)?

Hearkening back on this I am glad she unfriended me. I don't think I could possibly stand to be around someone that impossibly: stupid, myopic, narcissistic, and self centered.

To that end I am sick and tired Social Media Militants and the inanity that they bring to the online community.

Anyway...

Here is how to spot one...

• #BlackLivesMatter is all over their FB page. You gotta have the hashtag to let everyone know you are down (when in actuality you won't catch these niggas in the street. Too busy taking selfies and pretending to be about the cause).
• Their whole life centers around their intersections. You can't meet them at the stop sign even if you pulled up in Metro Bus.
• They say "Intersection" or "Intersectionality" at least three to four times in a sentence.
• You're a misogynist if you think a woman's dress is ugly.
• You're a transaphobe if you hate Caitlyn Jenner.
• You're enforcing black hetero-normative patriarchal values if you think Jaden Smith looks hideous in a dress.
• You gotta look the part too, like you just came back from an Afropunk festival. No fade or perm. You gotta be all natural.
• You must loathe Beyonce (seeing as she wears blond extensions and has a lot of money).
• You support a rape culture if you happen to bop along to R. Kelly's "Ignition" when it comes on the radio.
• If you don't agree with them you are a: rape culture supporting, heteronormative, patriarchal, transphobic, homophobic, misogynistic, misandrist, pedophile, and all around horrible person.
• If you aren't maudlin and wallowing in the misery of the discrimination that your intersection creates then they hate you, period.

Seriously though?

As I've said before I am going to keep my eyes peeled for these fools because I am not investing my time or conversation in another one of them.

Yes, I am a Black Gay Atheist Man in America; however, my physical identity is not the sum of all my parts. And I refuse to view life solely within the context of my tapestry of identities.

Prince Todd.

P.S.

And don't you EVER get on my timeline and tell ME what I can and cannot post, ever.

21 Things I Want Left Behind in 2015...

Hello Everyone!

Well, it is that time again.
It is almost the end of another year!
2015 flew by with a quickness, didn't it?
Anyway, it was a really good year for yours truly I must say. I really enjoyed it!
Great things happened.
For instance, 10 years ago, I never believed I'd be able to get married --to another dude (legally)--in my lifetime. Yet, the Supreme Court ruled in favor of gay marriage equality! That and I briefly lived in Los Angeles (Loved it but I just didn't see myself staying forever), got a cool new job (I am staying my happy ass here until I get ready to retire), got laid all over the place (yes, I took a few lovers last summer and I make no apologies for it!), and I really just came into my own a whole lot more. Each of the past 300 some odd days were impactful.

To that end the year was great...

But, I would be remiss if I didn't say that there were a lot of things that irked the Hell out of me this year. From policy brutality to Donald Trump to the goddamn Kardashians. There are just somethings that left me discombobulated. These things ARE things that I would love to see remain in 2015 and NEVER darken our collective doorsteps in 2016 and beyond, feel me?

Anyway, here is a list of 21 things that I want to see left behind in 2015!

Beyonce Haters - You people are irritating, annoying, and just out and out ridiculous all of the time. Your "critiques" are completely asinine and inconsequential (and always stupid). I get it, you are not a fan of Beyonce. I don't fucking care. Regardless of what you say or do I am going to have fun listening to all of her previous and future albums. I will be a fan as long as she has a career, period. As much as you hate her I love her. Case Closed. End of Discussion.

How about this...

If you don't like her then just shut the fuck up and don't listen to her. It really is simple. Don't talk about her around me, at all, ever. Seriously, we can be friends if you don't and I am a wonderful friend.

Lastly, don't ever--for the rest of your lives--say that Beyonce cannot sing or dance and then turn around and say that you stan for Janet Jackson, the most talentless person in the industry, ever. The only reason she has a career is because Michael Jackson was her older brother.

Furthermore, whether you hate Beyonce or not just know one thing...

Once she puts out a new album your favorite's career will cease to exist at that precise moment in time. Such is the power of Beyonce.

Enjoy it while it lasts Adele.

White Privilege - This goes without saying.
Until I can have it I don't want ANYONE to have it!
What is White Privilege you ask? Well, it is something that only white people get to enjoy (although most TRY and say that it doesn't exist while simultaneously invoking the "Race Card" and "Reverse Racism") because The United States of America is a white supremacist construct.

White privilege is basically have the "privilege" to walk through life and not having to take into account the color of your skin. White privilege is getting to walk into a store and not have a moronic retail sales clerk presume that you aren't going to steal everything that isn't nailed to the floor. When you're white you don't have to worry about being pulled over by a cop, sneezing, and then getting shot to death during a routine traffic citation (and then having said police officer swear that he or she feared for her life because you fuckin sneezed). 

Having white privilege automatically means seeing yourself as the default setting in life. From being able to buy "Flesh" colored panty hose (for the ladies, or the guys who are into that kinda thing) to reading a book and presuming that all the characters are white, unless they are specifically described as Asian or Black (and even then white readers will presume they are white. Just google the controversy surrounding Rue in the Hunger Games).
White privilege is being able to accept a job opportunity in another city and not worry about whether or not there are local KKK chapters OR a barbershop that will do your hair.

When you're white you can basically live throwing all caution to the goddamn wind (which is why I think so many white people are into extreme sports, seriously. You gotta get your adrenaline rush someway. Just being alive everyday is an extreme sport for Black Folks). You really don't have to worry about your safety anywhere in the world because you are seen as the default and therefore catered to by every person and continent that your ancestors colonized.

See, I want that White Privilege.

Therefore, if I don't get to have it then NOBODY get to have it.

Keep it in 2016 unless you plan to share the wealth.

Micro-aggressions - This is kind of an extension of "White Privilege." However, a Micro-aggression can be committed by anyone. Basically, Micro-aggressions are the everyday: verbal, non verbal, and environmental slights, snubs, or insults, whether intentional or unintentional, that communicate: Hostile, derogatory, or negative messages to the targeted persons based solely upon their: Race, Religion, Sex, Gender, Gender Identity, Sexual orientation and so on and so forth.

A micro-aggression is akin to death by mosquito (for lack of a better analogy at this present time). Sure, one mosquito won't kill you. It will just take a little blood out of you. However, if the mosquito keeps biting over and over and over again, draining you of more and more blood, then eventually you will be a dried out bloodless corpse (probably not really fast since mosquitoes are so tiny but you kinda get my drift though).

That's kinda how a micro-aggression occurs...

At first you don't notice it but it makes you feel some type of way nevertheless...You try and shake it off but you just keep having this feeling that someone just totally fucked you over...

"Wait, am I being too sensitive that my white "friend" enjoyed saying NIGGA too much while singing along to a Tupac song?"

"My friend just said that I am really cute...For a Black Girl?"

Or...

"So what do you guys speak in Japan? Asian?"

"No, I don't mean where you're from in America. I meant where are you REALLY from?"

"You don't act like a NORMAL black person, y'know?"

"Oh you aren't like all of those other gays."

And...

"You have a mental disability? You seem perfectly normal to me!"

Yeah, it's shit like that, that can ultimately have you thinking you're going bat shit crazy.
Hindsight being 20/20 I now know why I had low self esteem in High School. I was barraged with racist micro-aggressions on a daily basis, and I didn't have the tools to cope with them.

Yes, let's stage a moratorium for that shit.

If you suffer from a micro-aggression in 2016 call it out!

And if you are an aggressor take your call out like a man (or woman)! Don't get all in your feelings when someone asserts his or herself to you. The first time is a freebie. You do it again then you are just a bigoted asshole and deserve to have your foot smashed with a sledgehammer. 

 

Misogynoir - Misogynoir is misogynistic behavior directed specifically towards Black Women. As a Black Man who happens to be Gay I love my beautiful Black sisters therefore I want this garbage to come to a complete halt, ESPECIALLY when it comes from other Black Men.

Ya'll, I am sick and tired of these overly pervasive bullshit memes being created by: jobless, homeless, eight and nine baby mama having, Durag wearing, video gaming playing, 32 year old niggas, shaming black women into being some type of virgin/whore dichotomous concoction just so they have the "honor" of bringing home the former mentioned nigga (Which is really a whole lot of NOTHING to even CONSIDER).

STOP IT!

Just STOP IT already.

Black women are ALWAYS riding for Black Men, even when you are dating women outside the race who are well below average (let's face none of ya'll ever bring home Charlize Theron. Ya'll seem to settle for Rosie O'donnell, always. Okay, I admit that was a micro-aggression, sorry Rosie).

There would not be a Black Lives Matter movement had it not been conceptualized by black women.

So yeah, get your act together brothas. Read some Bell Hooks.

Celebrate your feminine counterparts instead of continually trying to destroy their self worth.

I am not just my Brother's keeper. I am my Sister's keeper as well.

No More Misogynoir.

Stop the anti-Black Woman narrative niggas.

Racism in general - You know what? This is pretty self explanatory. Granted, it is more complicated than this but if I could make it disappear just like that I'd be happy. I'd just like to be my black self and not have to worry about any crazy ass racists trying to ruin my life because of it.

Republicans - If you are a Republican I hate you today. I don't care if you volunteer at a child's cancer ward or if you feed little puppies on the weekend and donate to the NAACP. If you vote Republican I hate your dirty ass.
If you can seriously cast your ballot for the likes of Donald Trump then you are a horrible person and you deserve to be tortured by cenobites for all eternity. And in that event I hope that your suffering is legendary...even in Hell.

Donald Trump - This goes without saying. At first I thought his candidacy was a joke, seriously. Now he is starting to put me to mind of Adolph Hitler. Seriously ya'll? The ONLY reason Trump even stands a chance is that he is appealing to, and reaching out towards, the lowest common denominator in American society (White men who believe that equality for all is a slight to them). Trump is a piece of garbage.

Grizzly Adams Beards - I am so sick and tired of these BEARDS! Fellas? Please, start shaving again, PLEASE! You don't know how raggedy and completely unkept you look, seriously. I need this look to go the way or the mullet.
Just lop it off and let us see your facial features again.
This is no longer a good look for anyone. All of you look like fucking Rip Van Winkle, waking up after 100 years sans a shower and shave.SHAVE THAT SHIT OFF!

Singlehood - I haven't been in a relationship for a couple of years. I think it's because I was subconsciously avoiding one due to circumstances (primarily fear of being hurt again). Therefore,  I was always choosing guys that were emotionally unavailable.
Now I am ready to love again.  Therefore, I've made the choice to only deal with men who are completely and totally available.
Wait...
Before you get started...
Yes, I am happy with myself. Yes, I love myself. No I am not looking for a dude to complete me.
So please miss me on that whole, "Oh you have to be happy with yourself by yourself first!" Iyanla Vanzant bullshit. I've had enough counseling and self reflection/introspection to have an unofficial PHD in psychology from Harvard.
I just want to share my life and love with that someone special, sue me. I'm a human being. What is so wrong with admitting that I want to meet a nice dude and settle down?
Nothing, that's what.
That said I'm hoping to land a serious boyfriend in 2016.

Must like Cats.

Pettiness - I don't know when this became a trend but niggas been super PETTY in 2015. Like seriously, you cannot be around other human beings without side eyeing them all the time these days. I can never tell when someone is being serious, making a joke, or throwing shade. It's like no one can simply be straight forward anymore.

How about this people?

Let's start being nice to each other and not cloaking ourselves in: Bravado, sarcasm, and passive aggression. Let's just stop it because it is so high school.

How about this...

If someone hurts your feelings tell them so! Tell them that you don't like the way they made you feel instead of writing passive aggressive memes about how you are a nice person but you won't hesitate to cut someone off forever...

Who gives a shit? You sitting up there mad and stewing in your juices and nothing has been resolved. You just being petty and ultimately petty is just misery cloaked in a veil of cute.

Seriously, let's take the chips off our shoulders and build cute little town homes with them instead. Stop being MEAN GIRLS!

Straight Acting Gays -  Okay, so I have had it up to here (imagine the Empire State Building. That's where I've had it up to) with so called "Straight Acting" gays and them turning the gay community into a fucking gym locker room.

I am tired of the fem shaming. Tired of the fat shaming. Tired of the any body but a buff gym body shaming. Tired of the gay respectability politics (i.e. the "straighter" you appear and act the more worthy you are of respect). And tired of fucking sweat pants, t-shirts, and goddamn FITTED ball caps being the standard, and if you have ANY fashion sense whatsoever then you are disqualified from basically...Well...Everything having to do with gay "community."

You know what?

I happen to love my gay self and all of my little gayeties (Not an actual word) and I make no apology for them, any of them. I fought too goddamn hard to love myself and I'm not going to mire myself down in self loathing because I don't like beer, football, and grabbing my damn crotch.

I love to shop (I can stay in H&M for hours at a time. Don't even get me started on the mall).

I love Beyonce (see number 1. I have been to all the concerts. Own all of the Blu Ray performances. And I have all of her albums. She is my patron goddess of wisdom, love, and sunshine).

And I make it no secret that I love dick too (Because I do. That is sorta what this whole gay thing is about).

Moreover, and I know this will be absolutely APPALLING to the meatheads out there but, I fit exercise into my life and not vice ambition to have a porno body...I just like to be healthy and fit into cute outfits. If you don't like that then frankly sir I don't give two gully fucks.

That said...

Don't hate on me for being me. Moreover, don't even assume that you are my dream guy because you aren't. I need someone who has a job and life outside the gym and doesn't use his Fitted cap as cultural currency on sex apps.

Yeah, I want you infantile self loathing idiots to stay in 2015.

Crazy Gun Nuts - Statistically, The USA has had a mass shooting every single day of the year. Yeah, I say we put all the gun crazies on an Island, dust off, and nuke the site from orbit...It's the only way to be sure.

Gentrification -  If I see another vital, historical, and vibrant neighborhood transformed into a: sterile, white washed, soulless, and vacant lot filled with: Starbucks, Target, Whole Foods, and fucking coffee shops I don't know what in sam Hell I'm gonna do. It is absolutely ridiculous. All of my favorite cities in the world are being invaded by Hipsters and unfortunately there is nothing that can be done about it.

Gentrification is not good for anyone except the white people invading the area.

Dear White People...

When you move into other areas be respectful of the culture that was there before you. Yeah, I know it's hard but at least TRY. Mexican and Soul Food are really good, trust me.

Hipsters - See above. I absolutely LOATHE hipsters. Funny, they pride themselves on originality and irony but they all look the same. Talk about ironic.

The Fast & Furious Movies - Why is this series still going? WHY? Well, I guess it proves how absolutely juvenile the average American moviegoer is. Put fast cars and big tits in a movie and you got yourself a hit!

Black Gay Cultural Appropriation - If I hear one more straight person, on a reality show, say, "Throwing Shade" or "Tea" or "Yaaaaaaaaaassssssss" and then turn around and be homophobic? I am going to throw a shoe at a random passerby. Seriously, I am tired of being hated on by society at large, particularly in my own race, but ya'll stay using the cultural colloquialisms that my ilk created.

The Kardashians - I hate them all and I now hate Kanye West because of them. I go out of my way to AVOID them. Let's leave them behind forever.

Caitlyn Genders - Likewise for Caitlyn. She transitioned into her true self but she is STILL trying to hold onto her white male privilege. Cognitive dissonance is a motherfucker.

Broken Memes - It goes without saying. Just because you put it in a meme does not make it true. And then when you go making erroneous assertions in said meme you just wind up looking like a fool.

If you are going to meme check Snopes first.

There is too much knowledge out here for you to be ignorant.

Duck Faces, Peace Signs, and other assorted STUPID Selfy Poses - I thought all this dumb shit went out of style in 2010 but apparently the Duck Face selfy has made a resurgence.
And why all ya'll niggas always throwing up Peace Signs, while mean mugging into the camera, in the selfy? It just looks really stupid.

STOP IT!

Leave it behind in 2016.

Raven Symone, Don Lemon, and other various COONS - I hate all COONS. The moment you cape for white supremacy and structural inequality is the moment you become my sworn enemy. Seriously, stay in 2015 coons.

And that is my comprehensive list of what I would like to never see again in 2016!

Prince Todd.

Back From Hiatus!

Dear Friends,

I apologize for neglecting this blog. 

I've been pretty busy as of late and quite honestly I forgot about it.
However, I have a lot of topics that I'd like to discuss and I'll be back to it this coming week. Scout's honor!
Stay tuned!

Prince Todd.

Gay Men and Xtianity: I don't understand it...

Last weekend I tuned into the OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network) network because I had absolutely nothing else better to do (Seriously, with the exception of all those Tyler Perry soaps I find absolutely nothing redemptive about OWN. And if you know me you will know I dislike Tyler Perry passionately...so it is saying a lot that "The Haves and The Have Nots" is my go to show on OWN). However, it was the season premiere of "Iyanla Fix My Life" and the topic was about closeted Gay Black Pastors dealing with their stuff (i.e. emotional, psychological, and sexual stuff). Needless to say I sat down my clicker and got some pop corn...

Essentially, the nuts and bolts of the premiere episode (aside from Oprah and Iyanla milking the myth of the black down low boogie man for everything it is worth, again. I'm surprised there wasn't a special guess appearance from J.L. King) was about two black pastors on the brink of insanity due to the juxtaposition of their homosexuality again their southern baptist leanings. One of these girls literally (and I do mean literally) fell over into bed, completely immobile, whilst wailing and gnashing his teeth. Chile, Iyanla had to put on her best Prissy from "Gone With The Wind" and pretend like she knew something about birthing babies. She had to put a towel over his head and everything because the brother was just broken. All the years of deception and cognitive dissonance had finally hit him like falling piano. I legit felt sorry for him, seriously. To see someone break under that strain and pressure is altogether pitiful.

Now, speaking only for myself, I am an Atheist (Google it. It doesn't mean I worship Satan because I don't believe in him either). I've been an Atheist for approximately the past ten years. Naturally, I felt some revulsion for the content and subject matter.

On the one hand I found this episode relateable simply because, as a Black Gay Man myself, I grew up in an African American fundamentalist Southern Baptist household. Trust and believe (and not by choice) that I was in church three days a week and twice on Sunday (for early service and late service). 

I was in youth group. 

I was in the youth choir. 

I was in vacation Bible School for two weeks every summer.
I even took adult Bible class because everyone was so impressed by how super fundamentalist I was.

By the time I was 13 years old I was a good little drone for Jesus (a tiny Prince Toddy for Christ if you will). I had the religion force fed to me since the cradle (and probably earlier than that).
But of course, as we all know (and Iyanla said this in the piece), in the black community you can be anything you want to be. Just don't be Gay.
You can be a drug dealer.
You can be in and out of prison.
You can be a high school drop out.
You can have 15 kids with 12 baby mamas and two on the way but...
Just so long as you aren't kissing another man you are good, you can be redeemed.
You seriously can do anything pathological and detrimental to society and black folks will forgive you for it. But you say that you're gay? You will be fortunate to get out of the room alive.

Hearkening back...

So, while I was the christian Creme Dela Creme on the outside I was screaming on the inside.
My internal secret war against my sexual orientation would have put any Marvel reboot of The Infinity Gauntlet to shame. 

It was epic. 

It was almost tragic.
I spent my early adolescence and my teen years trying to make myself into a heterosexual (so jesus would wove me. ::sad pouty face here::). 

Retrospectively it was beyond pathetic. Therefore, to that end, I understood these men because I was one of them. However, now, watching this, my emotions are not nearly as palpable as they would have been 10 years ago.  Since I've lived a religion and god free life for all this time the concept of reconciling god with my sexuality seems like three lifetimes ago. Once, something so significant to me is no longer even a passing thought.
After freeing myself from religion, specifically Christianity, I found the freedom to cultivate my own identity. Now I revel in my sexuality. I can finally look in the mirror and not be burdened by guilt or shame simply because I am being who I was born to be, a black GAY man.

All of that said...

While I do understand I cannot accept the continued insistence of black gay men who tether themselves to Christianity, to the point of being psychologically bludgeoned because of it. I say this because I managed to escape. I allowed myself to face the realization that if I didn't make a change I'd be stuck playing into what everyone else believed that I should have been. In the end my wellness was much more important to me than an edict.

There are so many black gay men who are walking about: wounded, damaged, and defeated, but still clinging to jesus. Moreover, it isn't simply the insistence on adhering to religion insofar as Christianity, specifically, having absolutely nothing for you. As a matter of fact it admonishes you and everything that you are.  The bible is an anti gay document, period. You may cherry pick all you want to but that should not be good enough. All I needed to see was a single anti gay verse and know that, "You know what? I am so much better than this."

It is baffling to me how many of the biggest gay whores (giving away @$$ like chicken dinners at ATL pride) will quickly proclaim Christianity and admonish people like me who have no religion. It is maddening how so many black gay men will espouse the obligatory, "Your sin is no bigger than mine" cliche. Question: Why do you view your sexual orientation as a sin if you are affirmed in it? Answer: You are not. Moreover, the insistence on adhering to heterosexual norms and gender archetypes is all the more prevalent. Guys (and girls) those concepts do not have us in mind.  We are not included.


So, what will it take for us to really take a look at this religion, third person, and approach what it is doing to us?

Granted, I am not holding my breathe when it comes to black people and jesus. Slave massah gave us jesus and we refuse to let that nigga go. However, as black gay men, we have to reach some happy medium wherein we allow ourselves to be healthy individuals first and then make choices, religious or otherwise, about the role faith plays in our lives. We owe it to ourselves to be healthy and whole.

Anyway, I am going to watch the rest of that Iyanla Fix My Life episode.

Prince Todd.

Prince Todd (101): What This Blog Is All About...

Greetings and Salutations:

My name is PrinceTodd (Yes, that is my actual given name. You may refer to me as PrinceTodd or Prince. I go by Todd at work to avoid the inevitable, "Oh you must really like Prince's music" questions) and this is a general overview of what this blog is and is not.

Being that the title of my blog is my name (followed by 101) the subject matter will invariably focus on me. However, it is more less my observation of everything that is going on in my world (and beyond), and the impact of said circumstances on myself and other people like me.

There are three major components that will dictate the subject matter here...

1.) My blackness.

2.) My Gayness.

3.) My Atheism.

Given the goings on in the world today I am very passionate about topics pertaining to: racism, homosexuality, and religion, primarily because I am a Black Gay Atheist. All of those topics impact me and I need a space to really talk about them. Moreover, being a black gay atheist, I need a space to discuss these issues as a means of connection to other people like me. Essentially, this blog will be about the intersection of those three issues and how they impact me.

I will post and write about current events concerning those topics and sometimes I may tell you about what is going on in my everyday life.

I love to learn. 

I love to inform people about what I've learned about as well.

In a way I think it is my purpose in life to really inform people, and social media has been a great tool for me to do that.

Thank you for reading!

PrinceTodd. 

P.S.

I have another blog entitled, "At the Movies with Your Royal Highness, Prince Toddy English." It is my hobby blog for my great love, movies.

My ___th Class Reunion: Why I wish I'd never gone and Why I am so glad that I did...

Despite this being my first blog post I will spare you the traditional David Copperfield, "I was born..." introduction (that will probably be the next entry).

With that said I'd like to talk about my __th year class reunion and how much I: hated it; why I'll never attend another one; and why I am thankful for the lessons that I learned simply because I went.  

Alright, so let's just begin from the beginning...

I was not the most popular kid in school growing up. As a matter of fact I was the complete and utter antithesis of popular. I was the kid who was popular for being UNPOPULAR. My adolescence was a sheer and unadulterated hell (I am talking 7th level Dante's Inferno type shit) in high school. 

I was: painfully shy, extremely introverted, artistically inclined (I was into the arts and played violin. This might have worked for me had I not grown up in a predominantly African American neighborhood where all boys were expected to play: football, basketball, and other "manly man" things), thinner than a praying mantis, awkward (so awkward I'm still surprised I could tie my own shoelaces), and closeted about my quite obvious homosexuality (but given the homophobia in my school even if you were obviously gay you still said you weren't). 

Needless to say I was the proverbial dork who was mercilessly taunted in every single John Hughes movie, except for the fact that I didn't wind up taking the prettiest girl in class to prom (not that I wanted to anyway. I wanted to date one of the Junior Varsity basketball players, hello?). I was teased mercilessly for the way: I looked, the way I walked, the way I talked (I had a terrible speech impediment), and occasionally the air I breathed. Moreover, even the "friends" I hung out with (we'll just call them "frenemies") made fun of me and they were unpopular too! 

Again, it was Hell, pure living Hell.

So naturally when I got the invitation that my ___th Reunion was happening I was quite ambivalent about going. What reason would I possibly have to go? After all, I think I spent the entire four years of high school holed up in my room. That and I seriously hated everyone there.

However, after some thought I came to the conclusion that, "You know what? I am going to show all of them that I'm still here and I'm doing better than any of them thought that I ever would do!"

Since high school I've grown exponentially. 

I grew out of my awkwardness.
I grew into my facial features.
I developed a fashion sense.
I graduated college.
I moved onto a career path.
I've even traveled to some great places throughout the country (and I am hoping to see more).
Overall, I've made a really cool life for myself and I am still cultivating it.
No, I didn't go onto become Bill Gates or anything but I'm doing better than anyone thought that I ever would.
So, I pulled out some really great threads, my cute fedora, and took off work early just so I could attend reunion. I wanted to show that they did not get the best of Prince Todd.

Like Romy and Michelle I was gonna go back there and "Blow them away!" 

Basically, here is a bullet point list of what I discovered attending my very first High School Class Reunion (and subsequently what I learned from the whole bloody affair)...

• None of my Frenemies showed up - While I had zero real friends in high school I did have a few frenemies (as I mentioned previously), people that I didn't particularly care for but hung out with to keep up the illusion that I wasn't completely anti-social.
  Yeah, none of them showed up. I think they all knew that it would be pointless. Me? I always gotta see for myself.
  Anyway, when I got there, I was inundated with a bunch of people that I didn't (disqualify barely completely. Barely would mean you had an inkling. I seriously didn't recognize 96% of the people in attendance) even know. So, basically, hearkening back to my previous point, all of the unpopular kids, except me, declined to repeat the fresh hell that was High school. Shit, in retrospect I don't blame them. Which leads to my next point...
• Who Are You People?! - Upon entry I walked past my Reunion because I thought I was in line for the wrong one, initially. Everyone, except me, looked at least 48 years old (Even though host of the reunion asked me if I was supposed to be there, until I showed ID. Yes, I got carded to go to MY class reunion). When I found out that it was in fact my reunion all I could think was, "What drug rehabilitation facility released all of you for the reunion?" Seriously, most of my class did not look so hot; and they had all apparently been doing some really hard living (in addition to marrying and having children, which will age anybody).
  The Cheerleaders were about 30 pounds heavier and incapable of pyramid formation.
  The football stars were bald and had exchanged their abs for beer bellies.
  The beautiful girls had lost all of their luster and everyone else who was at the pinnacle of their importance ___ years ago came back to clamor for that last vestige of the spotlight. It was actually pretty sad.
• The drinks were watered down- Don't need to go into any explanation.
• Faking It - I decided to play a game. I walked around pretending like I knew everyone just to see who would pretend to actually know me back. It was hilarious watching everyone scramble to say, "Oh yeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhh I remember you from..." and knowing full well that they completely ignored you in school, completely. I suppressed my initial, "You's a got damn lie" reaction. That would have been rude.
• The Popular Bitch - In high school there was always that one girl who was: super popular, really pretty, and beloved by ALL of the ultra popular (and just as disgustingly reprehensible) people. But, when they weren't looking (or even when they were looking) she would go out of her way to ridicule and humiliate you (because you know how bitches love to give performance).
  
  For me that bitch was Michelle B. (won't give the rest of her name). From 4th grade up until graduation I hated her. Looking like some bizarro world, overly painted (I think she had about 24 gallons of foundation on at the reunion. Talk about a painted hussy), Tootie from "The Facts of Life" Michelle constantly went out of her way to: tease, berate, and humiliate me in front of all of her popular friends. No matter how inconspicuous I attempted to make myself this bitch would try and make me feel lower than I already felt. Seriously, I would go home and cry because of this Bitch.
  I hated her then and I hate her now.
  
  Anyway...
  
  About five years ago this bitch friend requested on Facebook, as if nothing had ever happened between us, ever. Well, my inner teen came out read her the riot act. Then I blocked her. Needless to say we saw each other at the reunion and she didn't say a word to me.
  Good.
  
  She was a horrible, evil, and merciless bitch who did not stop to think for the last second that I actually had feelings.
  
  The best feeling that I ever had was letting her know that she was NOT in fact beloved by all.

Anyway, after seeing three people that I actually knew I left after approximately 45 minutes.

Yes, I spent nearly 50 bucks on 45 minutes of absolutely nothing. At first I was angry about it but then it dawned on me...

I realized that, as one of the social pariahs in school, reunions aren't meant for me (us). Reunions are meant for the High School demigods: the cheerleaders, the class presidents, the jocks, and the all around "cool" people. Reunions are meant for the present day losers whose best years are behind them. They were the celebrities of our classes, the ones who had mythologies attached to their names. The ones who were on the covers of all of the school magazines and papers, voted most likely to succeed and never did. Reunions are for the people who mattered back then, the ones who walked in shells of their former selves to revel in their glory days, even if it was just for a few hours. Real life whipped a lot of my classmate's asses. It showed in their faces and the wear and tear on their bodies. 

But, for one night, Reunion night, they had the opportunity to clique up with their old pals and pretend that ___ years hadn't happened.  For one night they got to jump back into the fishbowl of high school.

In some odd way I was happy for them. They all looked so pitiful and jaded that it made me feel good that they could have this moment.

Me on the other hand?

Yes, I admit that I've been kind of bitter for not having that idealized High school panorama experience. I never went to a dance. I never had a real boyfriend in school. I was never acknowledged nor was I ever fawned over the way these people were.

Instead, I saw the bigger picture. I knew I wanted to be an independent adult. I knew I wanted to graduate college. I knew that I wanted to do so many things. I knew that I wanted a full life. Most importantly, I knew that I wanted to learn how to love, accept, and embrace myself in totality.

So when I walked out I patted myself on the back.  I have accomplished all of that and then some. Whether they could recognize it or not no longer matters. They haven't mattered to me for years. Despite reunion night not being for me I am sincerely proud of the man I've become since then. Back then I was invisible, ignored, damned, lost, and forgotten in their eyes. However, I am no longer bothered about appealing to their collective gazes.

As I walked out of that reunion door I made it up in my mind that I would not attend another reunion nor do I want to revisit my high school years ever again.

It is over.
I survived.
I am whole.

Prince Todd.