21 Things I Want Left Behind in 2015...

Hello Everyone!

Well, it is that time again.
It is almost the end of another year!
2015 flew by with a quickness, didn't it?
Anyway, it was a really good year for yours truly I must say. I really enjoyed it!
Great things happened.
For instance, 10 years ago, I never believed I'd be able to get married --to another dude (legally)--in my lifetime. Yet, the Supreme Court ruled in favor of gay marriage equality! That and I briefly lived in Los Angeles (Loved it but I just didn't see myself staying forever), got a cool new job (I am staying my happy ass here until I get ready to retire), got laid all over the place (yes, I took a few lovers last summer and I make no apologies for it!), and I really just came into my own a whole lot more. Each of the past 300 some odd days were impactful.

To that end the year was great...

But, I would be remiss if I didn't say that there were a lot of things that irked the Hell out of me this year. From policy brutality to Donald Trump to the goddamn Kardashians. There are just somethings that left me discombobulated. These things ARE things that I would love to see remain in 2015 and NEVER darken our collective doorsteps in 2016 and beyond, feel me?

Anyway, here is a list of 21 things that I want to see left behind in 2015!

Beyonce Haters - You people are irritating, annoying, and just out and out ridiculous all of the time. Your "critiques" are completely asinine and inconsequential (and always stupid). I get it, you are not a fan of Beyonce. I don't fucking care. Regardless of what you say or do I am going to have fun listening to all of her previous and future albums. I will be a fan as long as she has a career, period. As much as you hate her I love her. Case Closed. End of Discussion.

How about this...

If you don't like her then just shut the fuck up and don't listen to her. It really is simple. Don't talk about her around me, at all, ever. Seriously, we can be friends if you don't and I am a wonderful friend.

Lastly, don't ever--for the rest of your lives--say that Beyonce cannot sing or dance and then turn around and say that you stan for Janet Jackson, the most talentless person in the industry, ever. The only reason she has a career is because Michael Jackson was her older brother.

Furthermore, whether you hate Beyonce or not just know one thing...

Once she puts out a new album your favorite's career will cease to exist at that precise moment in time. Such is the power of Beyonce.

Enjoy it while it lasts Adele.

White Privilege - This goes without saying.
Until I can have it I don't want ANYONE to have it!
What is White Privilege you ask? Well, it is something that only white people get to enjoy (although most TRY and say that it doesn't exist while simultaneously invoking the "Race Card" and "Reverse Racism") because The United States of America is a white supremacist construct.

White privilege is basically have the "privilege" to walk through life and not having to take into account the color of your skin. White privilege is getting to walk into a store and not have a moronic retail sales clerk presume that you aren't going to steal everything that isn't nailed to the floor. When you're white you don't have to worry about being pulled over by a cop, sneezing, and then getting shot to death during a routine traffic citation (and then having said police officer swear that he or she feared for her life because you fuckin sneezed). 

Having white privilege automatically means seeing yourself as the default setting in life. From being able to buy "Flesh" colored panty hose (for the ladies, or the guys who are into that kinda thing) to reading a book and presuming that all the characters are white, unless they are specifically described as Asian or Black (and even then white readers will presume they are white. Just google the controversy surrounding Rue in the Hunger Games).
White privilege is being able to accept a job opportunity in another city and not worry about whether or not there are local KKK chapters OR a barbershop that will do your hair.

When you're white you can basically live throwing all caution to the goddamn wind (which is why I think so many white people are into extreme sports, seriously. You gotta get your adrenaline rush someway. Just being alive everyday is an extreme sport for Black Folks). You really don't have to worry about your safety anywhere in the world because you are seen as the default and therefore catered to by every person and continent that your ancestors colonized.

See, I want that White Privilege.

Therefore, if I don't get to have it then NOBODY get to have it.

Keep it in 2016 unless you plan to share the wealth.

Micro-aggressions - This is kind of an extension of "White Privilege." However, a Micro-aggression can be committed by anyone. Basically, Micro-aggressions are the everyday: verbal, non verbal, and environmental slights, snubs, or insults, whether intentional or unintentional, that communicate: Hostile, derogatory, or negative messages to the targeted persons based solely upon their: Race, Religion, Sex, Gender, Gender Identity, Sexual orientation and so on and so forth.

A micro-aggression is akin to death by mosquito (for lack of a better analogy at this present time). Sure, one mosquito won't kill you. It will just take a little blood out of you. However, if the mosquito keeps biting over and over and over again, draining you of more and more blood, then eventually you will be a dried out bloodless corpse (probably not really fast since mosquitoes are so tiny but you kinda get my drift though).

That's kinda how a micro-aggression occurs...

At first you don't notice it but it makes you feel some type of way nevertheless...You try and shake it off but you just keep having this feeling that someone just totally fucked you over...

"Wait, am I being too sensitive that my white "friend" enjoyed saying NIGGA too much while singing along to a Tupac song?"

"My friend just said that I am really cute...For a Black Girl?"

Or...

"So what do you guys speak in Japan? Asian?"

"No, I don't mean where you're from in America. I meant where are you REALLY from?"

"You don't act like a NORMAL black person, y'know?"

"Oh you aren't like all of those other gays."

And...

"You have a mental disability? You seem perfectly normal to me!"

Yeah, it's shit like that, that can ultimately have you thinking you're going bat shit crazy.
Hindsight being 20/20 I now know why I had low self esteem in High School. I was barraged with racist micro-aggressions on a daily basis, and I didn't have the tools to cope with them.

Yes, let's stage a moratorium for that shit.

If you suffer from a micro-aggression in 2016 call it out!

And if you are an aggressor take your call out like a man (or woman)! Don't get all in your feelings when someone asserts his or herself to you. The first time is a freebie. You do it again then you are just a bigoted asshole and deserve to have your foot smashed with a sledgehammer. 

 

Misogynoir - Misogynoir is misogynistic behavior directed specifically towards Black Women. As a Black Man who happens to be Gay I love my beautiful Black sisters therefore I want this garbage to come to a complete halt, ESPECIALLY when it comes from other Black Men.

Ya'll, I am sick and tired of these overly pervasive bullshit memes being created by: jobless, homeless, eight and nine baby mama having, Durag wearing, video gaming playing, 32 year old niggas, shaming black women into being some type of virgin/whore dichotomous concoction just so they have the "honor" of bringing home the former mentioned nigga (Which is really a whole lot of NOTHING to even CONSIDER).

STOP IT!

Just STOP IT already.

Black women are ALWAYS riding for Black Men, even when you are dating women outside the race who are well below average (let's face none of ya'll ever bring home Charlize Theron. Ya'll seem to settle for Rosie O'donnell, always. Okay, I admit that was a micro-aggression, sorry Rosie).

There would not be a Black Lives Matter movement had it not been conceptualized by black women.

So yeah, get your act together brothas. Read some Bell Hooks.

Celebrate your feminine counterparts instead of continually trying to destroy their self worth.

I am not just my Brother's keeper. I am my Sister's keeper as well.

No More Misogynoir.

Stop the anti-Black Woman narrative niggas.

Racism in general - You know what? This is pretty self explanatory. Granted, it is more complicated than this but if I could make it disappear just like that I'd be happy. I'd just like to be my black self and not have to worry about any crazy ass racists trying to ruin my life because of it.

Republicans - If you are a Republican I hate you today. I don't care if you volunteer at a child's cancer ward or if you feed little puppies on the weekend and donate to the NAACP. If you vote Republican I hate your dirty ass.
If you can seriously cast your ballot for the likes of Donald Trump then you are a horrible person and you deserve to be tortured by cenobites for all eternity. And in that event I hope that your suffering is legendary...even in Hell.

Donald Trump - This goes without saying. At first I thought his candidacy was a joke, seriously. Now he is starting to put me to mind of Adolph Hitler. Seriously ya'll? The ONLY reason Trump even stands a chance is that he is appealing to, and reaching out towards, the lowest common denominator in American society (White men who believe that equality for all is a slight to them). Trump is a piece of garbage.

Grizzly Adams Beards - I am so sick and tired of these BEARDS! Fellas? Please, start shaving again, PLEASE! You don't know how raggedy and completely unkept you look, seriously. I need this look to go the way or the mullet.
Just lop it off and let us see your facial features again.
This is no longer a good look for anyone. All of you look like fucking Rip Van Winkle, waking up after 100 years sans a shower and shave.SHAVE THAT SHIT OFF!

Singlehood - I haven't been in a relationship for a couple of years. I think it's because I was subconsciously avoiding one due to circumstances (primarily fear of being hurt again). Therefore,  I was always choosing guys that were emotionally unavailable.
Now I am ready to love again.  Therefore, I've made the choice to only deal with men who are completely and totally available.
Wait...
Before you get started...
Yes, I am happy with myself. Yes, I love myself. No I am not looking for a dude to complete me.
So please miss me on that whole, "Oh you have to be happy with yourself by yourself first!" Iyanla Vanzant bullshit. I've had enough counseling and self reflection/introspection to have an unofficial PHD in psychology from Harvard.
I just want to share my life and love with that someone special, sue me. I'm a human being. What is so wrong with admitting that I want to meet a nice dude and settle down?
Nothing, that's what.
That said I'm hoping to land a serious boyfriend in 2016.

Must like Cats.

Pettiness - I don't know when this became a trend but niggas been super PETTY in 2015. Like seriously, you cannot be around other human beings without side eyeing them all the time these days. I can never tell when someone is being serious, making a joke, or throwing shade. It's like no one can simply be straight forward anymore.

How about this people?

Let's start being nice to each other and not cloaking ourselves in: Bravado, sarcasm, and passive aggression. Let's just stop it because it is so high school.

How about this...

If someone hurts your feelings tell them so! Tell them that you don't like the way they made you feel instead of writing passive aggressive memes about how you are a nice person but you won't hesitate to cut someone off forever...

Who gives a shit? You sitting up there mad and stewing in your juices and nothing has been resolved. You just being petty and ultimately petty is just misery cloaked in a veil of cute.

Seriously, let's take the chips off our shoulders and build cute little town homes with them instead. Stop being MEAN GIRLS!

Straight Acting Gays -  Okay, so I have had it up to here (imagine the Empire State Building. That's where I've had it up to) with so called "Straight Acting" gays and them turning the gay community into a fucking gym locker room.

I am tired of the fem shaming. Tired of the fat shaming. Tired of the any body but a buff gym body shaming. Tired of the gay respectability politics (i.e. the "straighter" you appear and act the more worthy you are of respect). And tired of fucking sweat pants, t-shirts, and goddamn FITTED ball caps being the standard, and if you have ANY fashion sense whatsoever then you are disqualified from basically...Well...Everything having to do with gay "community."

You know what?

I happen to love my gay self and all of my little gayeties (Not an actual word) and I make no apology for them, any of them. I fought too goddamn hard to love myself and I'm not going to mire myself down in self loathing because I don't like beer, football, and grabbing my damn crotch.

I love to shop (I can stay in H&M for hours at a time. Don't even get me started on the mall).

I love Beyonce (see number 1. I have been to all the concerts. Own all of the Blu Ray performances. And I have all of her albums. She is my patron goddess of wisdom, love, and sunshine).

And I make it no secret that I love dick too (Because I do. That is sorta what this whole gay thing is about).

Moreover, and I know this will be absolutely APPALLING to the meatheads out there but, I fit exercise into my life and not vice ambition to have a porno body...I just like to be healthy and fit into cute outfits. If you don't like that then frankly sir I don't give two gully fucks.

That said...

Don't hate on me for being me. Moreover, don't even assume that you are my dream guy because you aren't. I need someone who has a job and life outside the gym and doesn't use his Fitted cap as cultural currency on sex apps.

Yeah, I want you infantile self loathing idiots to stay in 2015.

Crazy Gun Nuts - Statistically, The USA has had a mass shooting every single day of the year. Yeah, I say we put all the gun crazies on an Island, dust off, and nuke the site from orbit...It's the only way to be sure.

Gentrification -  If I see another vital, historical, and vibrant neighborhood transformed into a: sterile, white washed, soulless, and vacant lot filled with: Starbucks, Target, Whole Foods, and fucking coffee shops I don't know what in sam Hell I'm gonna do. It is absolutely ridiculous. All of my favorite cities in the world are being invaded by Hipsters and unfortunately there is nothing that can be done about it.

Gentrification is not good for anyone except the white people invading the area.

Dear White People...

When you move into other areas be respectful of the culture that was there before you. Yeah, I know it's hard but at least TRY. Mexican and Soul Food are really good, trust me.

Hipsters - See above. I absolutely LOATHE hipsters. Funny, they pride themselves on originality and irony but they all look the same. Talk about ironic.

The Fast & Furious Movies - Why is this series still going? WHY? Well, I guess it proves how absolutely juvenile the average American moviegoer is. Put fast cars and big tits in a movie and you got yourself a hit!

Black Gay Cultural Appropriation - If I hear one more straight person, on a reality show, say, "Throwing Shade" or "Tea" or "Yaaaaaaaaaassssssss" and then turn around and be homophobic? I am going to throw a shoe at a random passerby. Seriously, I am tired of being hated on by society at large, particularly in my own race, but ya'll stay using the cultural colloquialisms that my ilk created.

The Kardashians - I hate them all and I now hate Kanye West because of them. I go out of my way to AVOID them. Let's leave them behind forever.

Caitlyn Genders - Likewise for Caitlyn. She transitioned into her true self but she is STILL trying to hold onto her white male privilege. Cognitive dissonance is a motherfucker.

Broken Memes - It goes without saying. Just because you put it in a meme does not make it true. And then when you go making erroneous assertions in said meme you just wind up looking like a fool.

If you are going to meme check Snopes first.

There is too much knowledge out here for you to be ignorant.

Duck Faces, Peace Signs, and other assorted STUPID Selfy Poses - I thought all this dumb shit went out of style in 2010 but apparently the Duck Face selfy has made a resurgence.
And why all ya'll niggas always throwing up Peace Signs, while mean mugging into the camera, in the selfy? It just looks really stupid.

STOP IT!

Leave it behind in 2016.

Raven Symone, Don Lemon, and other various COONS - I hate all COONS. The moment you cape for white supremacy and structural inequality is the moment you become my sworn enemy. Seriously, stay in 2015 coons.

And that is my comprehensive list of what I would like to never see again in 2016!

Prince Todd.

Back From Hiatus!

Dear Friends,

I apologize for neglecting this blog. 

I've been pretty busy as of late and quite honestly I forgot about it.
However, I have a lot of topics that I'd like to discuss and I'll be back to it this coming week. Scout's honor!
Stay tuned!

Prince Todd.

Gay Men and Xtianity: I don't understand it...

Last weekend I tuned into the OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network) network because I had absolutely nothing else better to do (Seriously, with the exception of all those Tyler Perry soaps I find absolutely nothing redemptive about OWN. And if you know me you will know I dislike Tyler Perry passionately...so it is saying a lot that "The Haves and The Have Nots" is my go to show on OWN). However, it was the season premiere of "Iyanla Fix My Life" and the topic was about closeted Gay Black Pastors dealing with their stuff (i.e. emotional, psychological, and sexual stuff). Needless to say I sat down my clicker and got some pop corn...

Essentially, the nuts and bolts of the premiere episode (aside from Oprah and Iyanla milking the myth of the black down low boogie man for everything it is worth, again. I'm surprised there wasn't a special guess appearance from J.L. King) was about two black pastors on the brink of insanity due to the juxtaposition of their homosexuality again their southern baptist leanings. One of these girls literally (and I do mean literally) fell over into bed, completely immobile, whilst wailing and gnashing his teeth. Chile, Iyanla had to put on her best Prissy from "Gone With The Wind" and pretend like she knew something about birthing babies. She had to put a towel over his head and everything because the brother was just broken. All the years of deception and cognitive dissonance had finally hit him like falling piano. I legit felt sorry for him, seriously. To see someone break under that strain and pressure is altogether pitiful.

Now, speaking only for myself, I am an Atheist (Google it. It doesn't mean I worship Satan because I don't believe in him either). I've been an Atheist for approximately the past ten years. Naturally, I felt some revulsion for the content and subject matter.

On the one hand I found this episode relateable simply because, as a Black Gay Man myself, I grew up in an African American fundamentalist Southern Baptist household. Trust and believe (and not by choice) that I was in church three days a week and twice on Sunday (for early service and late service). 

I was in youth group. 

I was in the youth choir. 

I was in vacation Bible School for two weeks every summer.
I even took adult Bible class because everyone was so impressed by how super fundamentalist I was.

By the time I was 13 years old I was a good little drone for Jesus (a tiny Prince Toddy for Christ if you will). I had the religion force fed to me since the cradle (and probably earlier than that).
But of course, as we all know (and Iyanla said this in the piece), in the black community you can be anything you want to be. Just don't be Gay.
You can be a drug dealer.
You can be in and out of prison.
You can be a high school drop out.
You can have 15 kids with 12 baby mamas and two on the way but...
Just so long as you aren't kissing another man you are good, you can be redeemed.
You seriously can do anything pathological and detrimental to society and black folks will forgive you for it. But you say that you're gay? You will be fortunate to get out of the room alive.

Hearkening back...

So, while I was the christian Creme Dela Creme on the outside I was screaming on the inside.
My internal secret war against my sexual orientation would have put any Marvel reboot of The Infinity Gauntlet to shame. 

It was epic. 

It was almost tragic.
I spent my early adolescence and my teen years trying to make myself into a heterosexual (so jesus would wove me. ::sad pouty face here::). 

Retrospectively it was beyond pathetic. Therefore, to that end, I understood these men because I was one of them. However, now, watching this, my emotions are not nearly as palpable as they would have been 10 years ago.  Since I've lived a religion and god free life for all this time the concept of reconciling god with my sexuality seems like three lifetimes ago. Once, something so significant to me is no longer even a passing thought.
After freeing myself from religion, specifically Christianity, I found the freedom to cultivate my own identity. Now I revel in my sexuality. I can finally look in the mirror and not be burdened by guilt or shame simply because I am being who I was born to be, a black GAY man.

All of that said...

While I do understand I cannot accept the continued insistence of black gay men who tether themselves to Christianity, to the point of being psychologically bludgeoned because of it. I say this because I managed to escape. I allowed myself to face the realization that if I didn't make a change I'd be stuck playing into what everyone else believed that I should have been. In the end my wellness was much more important to me than an edict.

There are so many black gay men who are walking about: wounded, damaged, and defeated, but still clinging to jesus. Moreover, it isn't simply the insistence on adhering to religion insofar as Christianity, specifically, having absolutely nothing for you. As a matter of fact it admonishes you and everything that you are.  The bible is an anti gay document, period. You may cherry pick all you want to but that should not be good enough. All I needed to see was a single anti gay verse and know that, "You know what? I am so much better than this."

It is baffling to me how many of the biggest gay whores (giving away @$$ like chicken dinners at ATL pride) will quickly proclaim Christianity and admonish people like me who have no religion. It is maddening how so many black gay men will espouse the obligatory, "Your sin is no bigger than mine" cliche. Question: Why do you view your sexual orientation as a sin if you are affirmed in it? Answer: You are not. Moreover, the insistence on adhering to heterosexual norms and gender archetypes is all the more prevalent. Guys (and girls) those concepts do not have us in mind.  We are not included.


So, what will it take for us to really take a look at this religion, third person, and approach what it is doing to us?

Granted, I am not holding my breathe when it comes to black people and jesus. Slave massah gave us jesus and we refuse to let that nigga go. However, as black gay men, we have to reach some happy medium wherein we allow ourselves to be healthy individuals first and then make choices, religious or otherwise, about the role faith plays in our lives. We owe it to ourselves to be healthy and whole.

Anyway, I am going to watch the rest of that Iyanla Fix My Life episode.

Prince Todd.

Prince Todd (101): What This Blog Is All About...

Greetings and Salutations:

My name is PrinceTodd (Yes, that is my actual given name. You may refer to me as PrinceTodd or Prince. I go by Todd at work to avoid the inevitable, "Oh you must really like Prince's music" questions) and this is a general overview of what this blog is and is not.

Being that the title of my blog is my name (followed by 101) the subject matter will invariably focus on me. However, it is more less my observation of everything that is going on in my world (and beyond), and the impact of said circumstances on myself and other people like me.

There are three major components that will dictate the subject matter here...

1.) My blackness.

2.) My Gayness.

3.) My Atheism.

Given the goings on in the world today I am very passionate about topics pertaining to: racism, homosexuality, and religion, primarily because I am a Black Gay Atheist. All of those topics impact me and I need a space to really talk about them. Moreover, being a black gay atheist, I need a space to discuss these issues as a means of connection to other people like me. Essentially, this blog will be about the intersection of those three issues and how they impact me.

I will post and write about current events concerning those topics and sometimes I may tell you about what is going on in my everyday life.

I love to learn. 

I love to inform people about what I've learned about as well.

In a way I think it is my purpose in life to really inform people, and social media has been a great tool for me to do that.

Thank you for reading!

PrinceTodd. 

P.S.

I have another blog entitled, "At the Movies with Your Royal Highness, Prince Toddy English." It is my hobby blog for my great love, movies.

My ___th Class Reunion: Why I wish I'd never gone and Why I am so glad that I did...

Despite this being my first blog post I will spare you the traditional David Copperfield, "I was born..." introduction (that will probably be the next entry).

With that said I'd like to talk about my __th year class reunion and how much I: hated it; why I'll never attend another one; and why I am thankful for the lessons that I learned simply because I went.  

Alright, so let's just begin from the beginning...

I was not the most popular kid in school growing up. As a matter of fact I was the complete and utter antithesis of popular. I was the kid who was popular for being UNPOPULAR. My adolescence was a sheer and unadulterated hell (I am talking 7th level Dante's Inferno type shit) in high school. 

I was: painfully shy, extremely introverted, artistically inclined (I was into the arts and played violin. This might have worked for me had I not grown up in a predominantly African American neighborhood where all boys were expected to play: football, basketball, and other "manly man" things), thinner than a praying mantis, awkward (so awkward I'm still surprised I could tie my own shoelaces), and closeted about my quite obvious homosexuality (but given the homophobia in my school even if you were obviously gay you still said you weren't). 

Needless to say I was the proverbial dork who was mercilessly taunted in every single John Hughes movie, except for the fact that I didn't wind up taking the prettiest girl in class to prom (not that I wanted to anyway. I wanted to date one of the Junior Varsity basketball players, hello?). I was teased mercilessly for the way: I looked, the way I walked, the way I talked (I had a terrible speech impediment), and occasionally the air I breathed. Moreover, even the "friends" I hung out with (we'll just call them "frenemies") made fun of me and they were unpopular too! 

Again, it was Hell, pure living Hell.

So naturally when I got the invitation that my ___th Reunion was happening I was quite ambivalent about going. What reason would I possibly have to go? After all, I think I spent the entire four years of high school holed up in my room. That and I seriously hated everyone there.

However, after some thought I came to the conclusion that, "You know what? I am going to show all of them that I'm still here and I'm doing better than any of them thought that I ever would do!"

Since high school I've grown exponentially. 

I grew out of my awkwardness.
I grew into my facial features.
I developed a fashion sense.
I graduated college.
I moved onto a career path.
I've even traveled to some great places throughout the country (and I am hoping to see more).
Overall, I've made a really cool life for myself and I am still cultivating it.
No, I didn't go onto become Bill Gates or anything but I'm doing better than anyone thought that I ever would.
So, I pulled out some really great threads, my cute fedora, and took off work early just so I could attend reunion. I wanted to show that they did not get the best of Prince Todd.

Like Romy and Michelle I was gonna go back there and "Blow them away!" 

Basically, here is a bullet point list of what I discovered attending my very first High School Class Reunion (and subsequently what I learned from the whole bloody affair)...

• None of my Frenemies showed up - While I had zero real friends in high school I did have a few frenemies (as I mentioned previously), people that I didn't particularly care for but hung out with to keep up the illusion that I wasn't completely anti-social.
  Yeah, none of them showed up. I think they all knew that it would be pointless. Me? I always gotta see for myself.
  Anyway, when I got there, I was inundated with a bunch of people that I didn't (disqualify barely completely. Barely would mean you had an inkling. I seriously didn't recognize 96% of the people in attendance) even know. So, basically, hearkening back to my previous point, all of the unpopular kids, except me, declined to repeat the fresh hell that was High school. Shit, in retrospect I don't blame them. Which leads to my next point...
• Who Are You People?! - Upon entry I walked past my Reunion because I thought I was in line for the wrong one, initially. Everyone, except me, looked at least 48 years old (Even though host of the reunion asked me if I was supposed to be there, until I showed ID. Yes, I got carded to go to MY class reunion). When I found out that it was in fact my reunion all I could think was, "What drug rehabilitation facility released all of you for the reunion?" Seriously, most of my class did not look so hot; and they had all apparently been doing some really hard living (in addition to marrying and having children, which will age anybody).
  The Cheerleaders were about 30 pounds heavier and incapable of pyramid formation.
  The football stars were bald and had exchanged their abs for beer bellies.
  The beautiful girls had lost all of their luster and everyone else who was at the pinnacle of their importance ___ years ago came back to clamor for that last vestige of the spotlight. It was actually pretty sad.
• The drinks were watered down- Don't need to go into any explanation.
• Faking It - I decided to play a game. I walked around pretending like I knew everyone just to see who would pretend to actually know me back. It was hilarious watching everyone scramble to say, "Oh yeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhh I remember you from..." and knowing full well that they completely ignored you in school, completely. I suppressed my initial, "You's a got damn lie" reaction. That would have been rude.
• The Popular Bitch - In high school there was always that one girl who was: super popular, really pretty, and beloved by ALL of the ultra popular (and just as disgustingly reprehensible) people. But, when they weren't looking (or even when they were looking) she would go out of her way to ridicule and humiliate you (because you know how bitches love to give performance).
  
  For me that bitch was Michelle B. (won't give the rest of her name). From 4th grade up until graduation I hated her. Looking like some bizarro world, overly painted (I think she had about 24 gallons of foundation on at the reunion. Talk about a painted hussy), Tootie from "The Facts of Life" Michelle constantly went out of her way to: tease, berate, and humiliate me in front of all of her popular friends. No matter how inconspicuous I attempted to make myself this bitch would try and make me feel lower than I already felt. Seriously, I would go home and cry because of this Bitch.
  I hated her then and I hate her now.
  
  Anyway...
  
  About five years ago this bitch friend requested on Facebook, as if nothing had ever happened between us, ever. Well, my inner teen came out read her the riot act. Then I blocked her. Needless to say we saw each other at the reunion and she didn't say a word to me.
  Good.
  
  She was a horrible, evil, and merciless bitch who did not stop to think for the last second that I actually had feelings.
  
  The best feeling that I ever had was letting her know that she was NOT in fact beloved by all.

Anyway, after seeing three people that I actually knew I left after approximately 45 minutes.

Yes, I spent nearly 50 bucks on 45 minutes of absolutely nothing. At first I was angry about it but then it dawned on me...

I realized that, as one of the social pariahs in school, reunions aren't meant for me (us). Reunions are meant for the High School demigods: the cheerleaders, the class presidents, the jocks, and the all around "cool" people. Reunions are meant for the present day losers whose best years are behind them. They were the celebrities of our classes, the ones who had mythologies attached to their names. The ones who were on the covers of all of the school magazines and papers, voted most likely to succeed and never did. Reunions are for the people who mattered back then, the ones who walked in shells of their former selves to revel in their glory days, even if it was just for a few hours. Real life whipped a lot of my classmate's asses. It showed in their faces and the wear and tear on their bodies. 

But, for one night, Reunion night, they had the opportunity to clique up with their old pals and pretend that ___ years hadn't happened.  For one night they got to jump back into the fishbowl of high school.

In some odd way I was happy for them. They all looked so pitiful and jaded that it made me feel good that they could have this moment.

Me on the other hand?

Yes, I admit that I've been kind of bitter for not having that idealized High school panorama experience. I never went to a dance. I never had a real boyfriend in school. I was never acknowledged nor was I ever fawned over the way these people were.

Instead, I saw the bigger picture. I knew I wanted to be an independent adult. I knew I wanted to graduate college. I knew that I wanted to do so many things. I knew that I wanted a full life. Most importantly, I knew that I wanted to learn how to love, accept, and embrace myself in totality.

So when I walked out I patted myself on the back.  I have accomplished all of that and then some. Whether they could recognize it or not no longer matters. They haven't mattered to me for years. Despite reunion night not being for me I am sincerely proud of the man I've become since then. Back then I was invisible, ignored, damned, lost, and forgotten in their eyes. However, I am no longer bothered about appealing to their collective gazes.

As I walked out of that reunion door I made it up in my mind that I would not attend another reunion nor do I want to revisit my high school years ever again.

It is over.
I survived.
I am whole.

Prince Todd.