My ___th Class Reunion: Why I wish I'd never gone and Why I am so glad that I did...

Despite this being my first blog post I will spare you the traditional David Copperfield, "I was born..." introduction (that will probably be the next entry).

With that said I'd like to talk about my __th year class reunion and how much I: hated it; why I'll never attend another one; and why I am thankful for the lessons that I learned simply because I went.  

Alright, so let's just begin from the beginning...

I was not the most popular kid in school growing up. As a matter of fact I was the complete and utter antithesis of popular. I was the kid who was popular for being UNPOPULAR. My adolescence was a sheer and unadulterated hell (I am talking 7th level Dante's Inferno type shit) in high school. 

I was: painfully shy, extremely introverted, artistically inclined (I was into the arts and played violin. This might have worked for me had I not grown up in a predominantly African American neighborhood where all boys were expected to play: football, basketball, and other "manly man" things), thinner than a praying mantis, awkward (so awkward I'm still surprised I could tie my own shoelaces), and closeted about my quite obvious homosexuality (but given the homophobia in my school even if you were obviously gay you still said you weren't). 

Needless to say I was the proverbial dork who was mercilessly taunted in every single John Hughes movie, except for the fact that I didn't wind up taking the prettiest girl in class to prom (not that I wanted to anyway. I wanted to date one of the Junior Varsity basketball players, hello?). I was teased mercilessly for the way: I looked, the way I walked, the way I talked (I had a terrible speech impediment), and occasionally the air I breathed. Moreover, even the "friends" I hung out with (we'll just call them "frenemies") made fun of me and they were unpopular too! 

Again, it was Hell, pure living Hell.

So naturally when I got the invitation that my ___th Reunion was happening I was quite ambivalent about going. What reason would I possibly have to go? After all, I think I spent the entire four years of high school holed up in my room. That and I seriously hated everyone there.

However, after some thought I came to the conclusion that, "You know what? I am going to show all of them that I'm still here and I'm doing better than any of them thought that I ever would do!"

Since high school I've grown exponentially. 

I grew out of my awkwardness.
I grew into my facial features.
I developed a fashion sense.
I graduated college.
I moved onto a career path.
I've even traveled to some great places throughout the country (and I am hoping to see more).
Overall, I've made a really cool life for myself and I am still cultivating it.
No, I didn't go onto become Bill Gates or anything but I'm doing better than anyone thought that I ever would.
So, I pulled out some really great threads, my cute fedora, and took off work early just so I could attend reunion. I wanted to show that they did not get the best of Prince Todd.

Like Romy and Michelle I was gonna go back there and "Blow them away!" 

Basically, here is a bullet point list of what I discovered attending my very first High School Class Reunion (and subsequently what I learned from the whole bloody affair)...

• None of my Frenemies showed up - While I had zero real friends in high school I did have a few frenemies (as I mentioned previously), people that I didn't particularly care for but hung out with to keep up the illusion that I wasn't completely anti-social.
  Yeah, none of them showed up. I think they all knew that it would be pointless. Me? I always gotta see for myself.
  Anyway, when I got there, I was inundated with a bunch of people that I didn't (disqualify barely completely. Barely would mean you had an inkling. I seriously didn't recognize 96% of the people in attendance) even know. So, basically, hearkening back to my previous point, all of the unpopular kids, except me, declined to repeat the fresh hell that was High school. Shit, in retrospect I don't blame them. Which leads to my next point...
• Who Are You People?! - Upon entry I walked past my Reunion because I thought I was in line for the wrong one, initially. Everyone, except me, looked at least 48 years old (Even though host of the reunion asked me if I was supposed to be there, until I showed ID. Yes, I got carded to go to MY class reunion). When I found out that it was in fact my reunion all I could think was, "What drug rehabilitation facility released all of you for the reunion?" Seriously, most of my class did not look so hot; and they had all apparently been doing some really hard living (in addition to marrying and having children, which will age anybody).
  The Cheerleaders were about 30 pounds heavier and incapable of pyramid formation.
  The football stars were bald and had exchanged their abs for beer bellies.
  The beautiful girls had lost all of their luster and everyone else who was at the pinnacle of their importance ___ years ago came back to clamor for that last vestige of the spotlight. It was actually pretty sad.
• The drinks were watered down- Don't need to go into any explanation.
• Faking It - I decided to play a game. I walked around pretending like I knew everyone just to see who would pretend to actually know me back. It was hilarious watching everyone scramble to say, "Oh yeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhh I remember you from..." and knowing full well that they completely ignored you in school, completely. I suppressed my initial, "You's a got damn lie" reaction. That would have been rude.
• The Popular Bitch - In high school there was always that one girl who was: super popular, really pretty, and beloved by ALL of the ultra popular (and just as disgustingly reprehensible) people. But, when they weren't looking (or even when they were looking) she would go out of her way to ridicule and humiliate you (because you know how bitches love to give performance).
  
  For me that bitch was Michelle B. (won't give the rest of her name). From 4th grade up until graduation I hated her. Looking like some bizarro world, overly painted (I think she had about 24 gallons of foundation on at the reunion. Talk about a painted hussy), Tootie from "The Facts of Life" Michelle constantly went out of her way to: tease, berate, and humiliate me in front of all of her popular friends. No matter how inconspicuous I attempted to make myself this bitch would try and make me feel lower than I already felt. Seriously, I would go home and cry because of this Bitch.
  I hated her then and I hate her now.
  
  Anyway...
  
  About five years ago this bitch friend requested on Facebook, as if nothing had ever happened between us, ever. Well, my inner teen came out read her the riot act. Then I blocked her. Needless to say we saw each other at the reunion and she didn't say a word to me.
  Good.
  
  She was a horrible, evil, and merciless bitch who did not stop to think for the last second that I actually had feelings.
  
  The best feeling that I ever had was letting her know that she was NOT in fact beloved by all.

Anyway, after seeing three people that I actually knew I left after approximately 45 minutes.

Yes, I spent nearly 50 bucks on 45 minutes of absolutely nothing. At first I was angry about it but then it dawned on me...

I realized that, as one of the social pariahs in school, reunions aren't meant for me (us). Reunions are meant for the High School demigods: the cheerleaders, the class presidents, the jocks, and the all around "cool" people. Reunions are meant for the present day losers whose best years are behind them. They were the celebrities of our classes, the ones who had mythologies attached to their names. The ones who were on the covers of all of the school magazines and papers, voted most likely to succeed and never did. Reunions are for the people who mattered back then, the ones who walked in shells of their former selves to revel in their glory days, even if it was just for a few hours. Real life whipped a lot of my classmate's asses. It showed in their faces and the wear and tear on their bodies. 

But, for one night, Reunion night, they had the opportunity to clique up with their old pals and pretend that ___ years hadn't happened.  For one night they got to jump back into the fishbowl of high school.

In some odd way I was happy for them. They all looked so pitiful and jaded that it made me feel good that they could have this moment.

Me on the other hand?

Yes, I admit that I've been kind of bitter for not having that idealized High school panorama experience. I never went to a dance. I never had a real boyfriend in school. I was never acknowledged nor was I ever fawned over the way these people were.

Instead, I saw the bigger picture. I knew I wanted to be an independent adult. I knew I wanted to graduate college. I knew that I wanted to do so many things. I knew that I wanted a full life. Most importantly, I knew that I wanted to learn how to love, accept, and embrace myself in totality.

So when I walked out I patted myself on the back.  I have accomplished all of that and then some. Whether they could recognize it or not no longer matters. They haven't mattered to me for years. Despite reunion night not being for me I am sincerely proud of the man I've become since then. Back then I was invisible, ignored, damned, lost, and forgotten in their eyes. However, I am no longer bothered about appealing to their collective gazes.

As I walked out of that reunion door I made it up in my mind that I would not attend another reunion nor do I want to revisit my high school years ever again.

It is over.
I survived.
I am whole.

Prince Todd.